I'm pretty sure today would be in the running for the most boring day of my life. Like no shit. I have done absolutely nothing....................well, nobody does nothing because they'd be dead otherwise but other than the obvious breathing and stuff I.....

• Woke up (without a hangover. It's one of those rare saturday mornings)
• played playstation.
• migrated between the computer and aimlessly listened to music all day.                                                      

At one point I did get so bored that I went for a drive and bought an ice-cream (does anybody else crave ice-cream on especially cold days or is it just me???) so I ate that at the beach (I was the only one there. My mate who lives near the beach realised it was raining and said another day-which made me slightly more bored) and then went home. Fortunately for my sanity both the Foo Fighters AND Asking Alexandria have new albums out this week which are absolutely amazing!!!!!!!! Check 'em out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJroU3jwatA

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbpqZT_56Ns

And I'm totally loving the library at the moment. My mate Mike (he's good for some things) told me that there's CD's there for $1 a week.....and I found out that they're perfectly compatible with my i-tunes. SCORE

well I hope you all had a better day than me :P

A tribute to Bacon

hello followers!!!!!!!!!! How awesome was it saying that!!! I felt like a god or something :)

Anyway, it's the holiday's which of course means late nights and late mornings, being a lazy motherfucker and of course.....Jeremy Kyle. Yes Jerry I'm back! You can be sure I will be religiously sitting on the couch watching the shit go down on your show. I'll go 'oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh' when you sit down on that step of yours. I'll lean forward in anticipation when you open the envelope for the lie detector test, I'll be cheering and applauding when you tell someone to 'shut the fuck up' and I'll be clicking my fingers like a ghetto black woman and going 'oh no he didn't' when you kick somebody off the stage. But Jeremy Kyle (why is this show not on at nights!!!) isn't the only thing I'll be having too much of these holidays (no it's not alcohol either. I promise I'll go easy...well I can't really make promises now can I?) I will be having a shitload of...............BACON.  You know when the cookie monster (and Mike) go "COOOOOOOOKKKIIIIIIEEEE?" well I'll be like that except I'll be like "BAAAAACCCCCCCOOOOOONNNN!!!" I plan on eating a whole farm of pigs these holidays, not even that cute little thing on Winnie the pooh is safe from my appetite. I plan on eating so much of this beautiful gift from the gods that I'll need a heart bypass by the time term two comes around.......let's face it. No matter how much I eat I'll still be a lanky mother fucker. Well anyway, 

Bacon I salute you!

PS. Ingenious idea: Eating Bacon while watching Jeremy Kyle! I can't wait!!!! 

I'm baaaaaaaack

I'm posting a blog!!!!! I told you I would haha. I don't have to call my first born child Wank-knuckle. Although I probably will just for a laugh, I'm evil in that way.

So something exciting must have happened for me to be posting on my blog that's as neglected as a child in South Auckland (too far?- Naaaah I used to live there. I'm allowed to say it.) Well no. In fact, the opposite. Like as opposite as a black guys opinion in Texas (I think that might have been too far.) because, my legs are fucking sore. Like really, really, sore. Bear Grylls doesn't know pain until he's experienced this!!! I am experiencing this pain because the year 9's at my school are stupid, drunken, idiotic, cunty, fuck knuckle whores!!!!! (Definitely not too far!) Oh, did I mention they were fuck knuckles?? ( I'm on a roll with the whole knuckle theme at the moment aren't I?) Because they're all little shits, us year 13's have had to sacrifice our study[bakery] spells and stats (YAAAAAAAAAAY) to patrol the school and catch the little shits who are wagging, smoking, and being just general bastards. I now think a gas chamber would be a good idea.

So, how are they so bad????

• yesterday, 9 year 9's (coincidence?) were found drunk-at school- in uniform- AT 11AM!!!!! I mean I'm not somebody to talk down drinking because that would be hypocritical but why the fuck at school at 11am??? Duuuuuude.
• a ginger kid thought he was cool because he ran away from us and locked the door on us. Little did he know that me and Riley could run and we did. the fact that he was fat didn't help him in his escape because we cornered him and brought him to Ehrler (Hitler- do not get on his bad side!!! It is a shower of raging saliva. I've seen it happen to so many people and it's still just as entertaining.)
• and the waggers 'who didn't know what class they had' so when we threatened to tell the dp they suddenly remembered their class. 

The world truly is fucked.
But I did have pizza for dinner so all is good.

I'M STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd completely forgotten I even had a blog so to my loyal fans...whoop's. my bad.
My life has just been so jam packed lately with general laziness and fatness that my hands were full.......with cheeseburgers. Oh, and how could I forget that FUCKING 3000 WORD BIOLOGY REPORT ON TRANSGENIC PIGS. It was seriously like being raped by a Nigerian donkey. Why Nigerian??? Well why not?
So if you ever come across an urgent need to know about transgenic pigs in your life you know who to call. You can reach me on 027....Nah, I'm not that stupid : p
Soooooooooooo, I PROMISE that I will make a proper post tommorrow that you can enrich your lives with because I can't really be fucked doing it now.
I really do promise, or I'll name my first born child wank-knuckle.

Should I?

Alright, I'm just gonna say it, it might come as a surprise to some (or most) but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I'm considering dropping out of school.

Why you ask?
Because I'm in love is why. In love with Jeremy Kyle. My holiday's consisted of dragging myself out of bed at about 11.30-12.00 getting dressed, doing my teeth and making a mean breakfast (not really. I cooked it, I'm a shocker in the kitchen) and eating that while watching my favourite 'chat' (shout at retarded poor British people) show.
Now it involves dragging myself out of bed at 6.00 and eating coco-pops to a Paul Henry-less Breakfast :(. Jeremy Kyle doesn't feature in my day at all and I am NOT liking it. Hence why I want to drop out of school. Sure I'll be unemployed and poor (Ironically like the guests on Jeremy Kyle) and just laxing out on the couch drinking Beer and eating Dorito's. But I'll be watching Jeremy Kyle, and THAT will add meaning to my life.

But then there's my Nazi parent. She makes Hitler seem like tickle me Elmo.

aaaaand in breaking news, Mike Munro is gay!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Study spells are great, but........................................................

They're sucking my bank account dry!!!! Seriously that Bakery sucks money like a slut at a gathering of a significant number of males!

Speaking of Bank Accounts I went in today to open a chequing one with my friend, which is not a good idea if you DON'T want to look like a gay couple. I had to accentuate "account'SSSSSSS" to the woman many times, but she still booked our appointment together -_- fml. But I need the account because I need a JOB (I finally bowed to my mum's nagging and wrote a CV. I am now searching-while conforming to man) so if anybody has any job's going that pay well and require fuck all work give me a call :)!!!! Stupid Corin Dann got the Breakfast job. I would've been SO much better.